Am I a Legalist If I Don’t Drink?

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Early in May, a very famous worship pastor posted a picture of himself enjoying a beer poolside. It was innocent enough; he was just enjoying the warm weather, good friends, and a cold brew. I’ve seen stuff like this 1,000 times on Facebook and Instagram. Yet, for some reason it really bothered me, probably more than it should have.

I started thinking, “What was the point of that picture? Why did he make sure to capture the can of beer and post it on social media?”

It also kept making me ask myself the question “Am I a legalist if I don’t drink? Do I not fully understand freedom in Christ?”

I have been sober for nearly 8 years. Meaning, I don’t drink, at all, ever (except that one time I tried to impress my Italian in-laws by making vodka sauce for pasta, messed up the recipe, and didn’t cook out the vodka. That was accidental, I didn’t mean for my food to taste like a shot of Popov).

The last time I drank alcohol was at a wedding. I hadn’t been drinking as often (in college I drank just about every day for 5 years straight) so my tolerance was lower. I had several glasses of wine, got drunk and on the way home asked my husband to stop by a fast food place so I could eat. I never really eat fast food when I’m sober, but I’m drunk, I just want Del Taco or In-n-Out sooooo bad.

He said no. He didn’t want to stop there at midnight, so I could binge on a grilled cheese and fries. In my drunkenness I got angry and called him an “a*% hole” for not taking me there.

I woke up the next morning in complete shame and guilt. I was a Christian, involved in a bible study, my heart was sold out for the LORD, and I had just gotten drunk and called my husband an “a*% hole” the night before. And that was it for me. I knew I didn’t have a healthy, self-controlled relationship with booze.

Alcoholism runs on both sides of my family. I can remember as a child my uncle taking me to my friend’s house, and on the way he stopped to buy a bottle of vodka and told me “Now you can’t tell your mom and dad about this, okay?” He had been in lots of trouble for his drinking and wasn’t supposed to be drinking at all, and I saw from an early age the power of addiction. I visited another family member in the hospital after they had crashed their car into a tree as a result of drunk driving. The reality of what alcoholism can do was very real to me at an early age.

The first time I got drunk I was in 8th grade. I had a fake ID at age 17 and made some terrible choices from the time I was 17-22 that I would give anything to give back. Thankfully, by the power of Christ and the freedom in the Gospel, I don’t have to live in shame and guilt anymore. I know that Jesus has not only saved me and forgiven me of my sin, He gives me the power daily to no longer walk in bondage to that sin.

I say all of this, because I have noticed in the past couple of years this trend among Christians to post pictures of themselves drinking. Summer is approaching, beer will be flowing, drinks will be offered at parties, and I will feel more and more like the weaker brother every time I see those pictures go up on social media.

And I’m not really sure the point of all of this? Is posting a picture of your cocktail or beer really helpful?

I get it. You don’t want people to think you’re one of those “rule following, exclusive, legalistic Christians”.  Sadly, there have been Christians that have turned alcohol into a black and white issue, and said that all drinking is bad, etc. I’m not saying that. The bible doesn’t say that. If you don’t struggle with drunkenness, then having a glass of wine or a drink is a gift from the LORD to be enjoyed! “Do not get drunk with wine” (Ephesians 5:18) IS in Scripture. “Do not drink wine” is NOT in Scripture. Obeying His word is not legalism, adding to it is.

Drinking alcohol is not a sin. Being led astray or controlled by it is.

I’m grateful for the example my husband was to me early on when it came to alcohol. He was not controlled by it, in fact seeing that he could have just one drink and not get drunk or have a need for more, made me realize there was another way to live.

So again, I’m not saying not to drink, we keep alcohol in our house, serve wine to our guests at dinner, I just don’t partake. I’m just asking you to consider that there are people who have a very real struggle and addiction to alcohol, and to just be aware of that.

When you post that picture or status update of yourself holding a cold brew, is it helpful? Is it really about helping others walk in freedom?

Do you think about others who may stumble because of this?

Have you ever sat with someone in recovery and heard their story?

If you have freedom to drink alcohol, great! Enjoy it. But do you have to post about it?

And most of all, please don’t judge, criticize, tease or accuse of legalism those who have had to make the decision to stay sober. I hope there is wine in Heaven. It will be good! And I will be able to enjoy it because my sin nature will be gone, and I won’t have to struggle with getting drunk and cussing at my husband.

Some helpful verses on what the bible says about drinking and drunkenness:

Proverbs 20:1, 1 Corinthians 6:9-11, Titus 2:3, Ephesians 5:15-21

For more of my journey read here:  From the Bars to the Pews

Other articles that are helpful when considering alcohol around people who are sober:

10 Things You Should Never Say to a Sober Person

Why I Gave Up Alcohol

 

Fulfill Your Calling

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2 paths I can remember as a child nearly every day, coming home from school to play school. I would set up my imaginary classroom, with my imaginary students (like Joey who was always so naughty I had to discipline him every day), with my imaginary assignments like math tests and science lessons. My father once brought home a giant chalkboard his work was throwing out to give to me, and I lost my mind! You would’ve thought my dad brought me a pony or something. I remember my mother taking me to the teacher supply store, and I thought I had died and gone to heaven. I couldn’t believe my eyes, there were workbooks, stickers, bulletin board cutouts, pencils, as far as the eye could see!

I was a little psycho kid, I know.

So you can only imagine how strongly I felt about my calling to become a teacher. I graduated and began teaching right away. I spent hours planning lessons, making my classroom a fun learning environment, thinking through how to teach reading to a room full of 5 year olds who barely knew how to zip up their own pants.

And guess what? I struggled. I struggled my first year, so I blamed it on being a new teacher. Then I struggled my second year, so I blamed it on the socio-economic status I was serving (very wealthy families). I decided to move and work at school that had a low socio-economic status, thinking that would be better. I was still struggling, so I switched schools and grade levels. And by my 5th year in, I started to realize that this dream wasn’t so dreamy.

I was having a particularly hard day once in my classroom, and after I had just quieted my class down, telling them I didn’t want to hear a peep, not even the tap of a pencil, for 10 minutes (because I was so frazzled), one of my students sneezed. I whipped my head around so fast, marched over to her desk, and in frustration and exhaustion, I told her “EMILY! YOU NEED TO SNEEZE QUIETER”. I was so worked up and burned out, I told a child to sneeze quieter. How do you even do that?!

As those words came out of my mouth, I knew something had to change. I knew that my lifelong dream, maybe even my *calling*, wasn’t what I thought it was going to be.

I had gone from being a passionate educator, excited to plan and execute lessons and help children grow in their learning, to a cranky, uptight, tired, burnt out teacher. I felt like I was a square peg, in a round hole, trying to make something fit that just wouldn’t.

And I grieved. Everything on paper told me I was born to be a teacher. Yet, when I did it, I knew it wasn’t for me. Here I am, 8 years later, wrapping up my career as a teacher to discover my “calling”.

A couple of months ago, I was talking to some 9 year olds about the true meaning of Lent/Easter. They said Lent is “when you give up things for God, and if you mess up or eat the candy you shouldn’t, God will punish you. That’s what Easter’s all about”. And after they shared their meaning of Easter, I grinned because I was about to share mine, the Gospel. I shared about the God I knew that took the punishment for us, even when we mess up and eat that candy we promised we wouldn’t. I shared about the God who was in the garden and the God who was on the Cross. And as I was talking to them about this, one of the kids interrupted me and said “You know what, you should be one of those people that teaches stories about “la biblia” (the bible).

In just a few words this nine year old spoke into my fear and uncertainty about my calling, and pegged me. He knew what I was good at and born to do, because I was doing it right there in front of him. Teaching and telling stories about la biblia.

That’s when I realized maybe it isn’t so much about calling, as it is about using your gifts. I was born to be a teacher, but I started to realize it may not be in the classroom. I was chasing after a career more than I was being faithful in using my God given gifts and talents.

I realized that my “calling” was still the same, it was just in a different environment. The way God has made me didn’t change. The gifts he had given me didn’t change. The place and the way in which I was using them did.

I have no exact place or title or plan for this, but as I walk away from this career of teaching, I know my calling is to be a teacher. Whether it is sharing stories about la biblia with friends, my small group, women in my church, neighbors, family, one-on-one over coffee, through writing, whatever it may be, I’m a teacher. I’m just not so worried with the where and the how anymore.

My calling has become less about a career and more about faithfulness.
My calling is to go and make disciples.
My calling is to “proclaim the excellencies of Him”.
My calling is to share my testimony and my stories.
My calling is to steward and invest my gifts.
My calling is to love and serve my husband, my friends, family, and neighbors.
My calling is to trust and obey God.
My calling is to hold my life with open hands and say “whatever you want for me LORD, whatever you want from me.”

I’ve learned through this experience to hold calling with an open hand. I’ve learned the better questions to ask is not “what’s my calling”, but “am I using my gifts, and faithfully stewarding them?”

That won’t always have a name, or a place, a title, or a paycheck.

Maybe calling is just faithfulness, obedience, meeting needs, and running with passion more than it is about finding the right career.

Calling is just doing the work God has for you.

And there are a million different ways to fulfill that kind of calling.

Here are some other brilliant people and their different thoughts on calling:

Jeff Goins on Calling

Karen Yates on Calling

Shauna Niequist on Calling & Passion

Infertility Awareness Week

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April 24th-30th is “National Infertility Week”. Since I started writing about infertility, women have contacted me and come out from hiding to process their pain. Women who’d rather be at the park pushing their kids in swings with everyone else and are instead sitting in a doctor’s office or in front of a computer trying to figure out “what’s wrong with me”.  Women who are a part of a club they never wanted to be invited to. Women who are sitting in this, silently suffering, through grief, shame, embarrassment, and confusion. Women who are figuring out what it’s like to lean into this, to lean into God, and put one foot in front of the other.

It’s overwhelming when I think about the number of women who have walked this road, and are currently walking it, and still feel like there’s not safe place to bring their pain. It can be isolating, hopeless, and devastating.

And I realize I every time I write about infertility I am making myself vulnerable to the many comments that will come my way. Some that sting, some that soothe, and some that leave me comforting others because they grieve deeply for me!  However, I know that many of you out there are hurting and can never speak up or share. So for you, I’m sharing some things that have helped me along the way.

1. Don’t isolate. It is hard enough going through this, but to go through it alone can spiral you into hopelessness and depression. Find others who have walked this road and meet with them. Have your people you trust to love you and pray for you and share with them when you’re hurting.

2. Choose your community wisely. The whole world doesn’t need to about this either. I sometimes regret blogging about this because it’s opened me up to anyone who’s read my blog to speak into my life about it. It’s healing for me to write, but there are really a handful of people that I share the details with. The ones who know about my doctor’s appointments, treatments, etc. And they’re people who will push me closer to God and pray me through it, not just feel sorry for me or ask how I’m doing to know the gossipy details. They’re people who truly care and truly pray.

3. Go through it together. I made the mistake in the beginning of going to doctor’s appointments alone. The first appointment I had with the fertility specialist, I thought he was just going to ask a few routine questions, instead he had read me the results of my tests, shared my diagnosis and told me as I sat covered in a tissue-paper blanket, I have a 1-2% chance of ever conceiving. The walls started to close in on me. I realized I should never be sitting in those appointments alone after that. So now, even though it’s terribly inconvenient for my husband, we go the appointments together.

4. Give yourself space. I sat down with a friend who has walked this road, and now has 4 children, awhile ago and she was so helpful in reminding me to care for myself through this. She told me the week I’m going through treatment, set aside time for myself. Get a pedicure, take a nap, whatever it may be. It’s physically and emotionally draining and it’s okay to do something for yourself through this.

5. Let Go of Control. Ugh. This is the biggest lesson in all of this. We can’t give way to worry and try to control every little circumstance. It puts too much pressure on our end. I never gave way to charting, taking my temperature, and obsessively taking ovulation kits. We can’t overanalyze and control every little thing through this process. We must be willing to release and surrender, otherwise we make ourselves crazy.

6. Seek Peace. Seek the God of circumstance, not the way out of the circumstance. I had lunch with a friend and she asked me if I have peace knowing eventually this will happen for me and I’ll get pregnant. And I told her no. I don’t have peace from thinking someday this will happen. I don’t know if children are “promised” to me. But I do have peace knowing God holds my future and works in ways far beyond my understanding. I have peace knowing when I cry out to Him, he hears and He comforts.

For friends and family who are walking alongside loved ones going through infertility:

1. Don’t try and fix. This is so hard, and I catch myself doing this for others too. But really, the quickest way to shut someone down who is hurting is trying to give them the answers. I’ve written about this before here and all the suggestions that people have given me, but really we don’t need advice or technique. There is truly nothing to say. We’ve tried everything. We just need a friend who listens and who loves.

2. Pray for them. Don’t just say you will, really, pray for them. And I don’t just mean pray for a baby. Pray for their heart. Pray for their hope. Pray for their marriage! When people ask how they can pray for me, I don’t tell them to pray for my womb. I ask them to pray for our friendship in our marriage. By God’s grace, 3+ years into this, we are still good friends.

3. Give them grace. Usually, if you’re in the season of trying to get pregnant, so are your friends. I have had up to 3 baby showers in one weekend. Another friend insisted that I hold her newborn at a family gathering, and I just couldn’t. I felt so much guilt feeling this way, but there are times we are just going to say “no” and it’s hard, and we feel awful, but please give us grace.

4. If you’re pregnant, tell them privately. During the 3 years we’ve been “trying”, 6 (soon to be 7) different babies have been born out of my small group. I have so appreciated those that have been considerate to tell me privately they’re expecting. This is so hard and so awkward because you are genuinely happy and yet genuinely hurting. Both of you. This is the kind of community I treasure the most, the ones that are willing to face the joy and the pain head on.

5. Ask how they’re doing. I will most likely not offer up my feelings to anyone. But if you ask, I will. Again, this is the kind of community I treasure most, the kind that will just dive right in to the awkward and the painful, and just ask. How are you? Where are you at? Whatever it may be. Don’t ask all the time, but ask.

6. Don’t forget about the husband. This is sometimes the worst. The woman may get more support than the man. He is struggling to lead well, deal with his own hurt, and comfort his wife. I can only imagine how isolating it is for the husband in this process.

There are a million ways you can help or hurt people walking through this. These are just a few I found helpful. There are a few other articles and posts below that may be helpful too.

25 Things Not to Say to Couples Living with Infertility {Huffington Post}

Infertility Etiquette {Dreaming of Dimples}

Is My Infertility a Punishment? {Self-Talk the Gospel}

I so appreciate you reading and entering in with me. If you know someone who is suffering with infertility, please share this post. Bearing one another’s burdens is hard and vulnerable, and messy. But it is truly the best way to live.

“So we do not lose heart. Though our outer self is wasting away, our inner self is being renewed day by day. For this light momentary affliction is preparing for us an eternal weight of glory beyond all comparison, as we look not to the things that are seen but to the things that are unseen. For the things that are seen are transient, but the things that are unseen are eternal.” (2 Corinthians 4:16-18)

A Love Like This

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As I’m reflecting on Jesus’ last week on this earth, I am reminded of his love.

A love I don’t understand and a love I don’t know how to live.

I’m reading John 13 and realizing before the “Last Supper” Jesus did something so crazy, so upside-down to demonstrate one final lesson to His disciples about His character.

Jesus had spent three years with these disciples. Day in and day out, walking with them, teaching them, breaking bread with them, loving them. He knew them. All of them, their hearts, their thoughts, every part of them, every one of them.

Even Judas.

Jesus walked side by side with Judas. He was in Jesus’ inner circle. And Jesus fully knew him. Jesus knew Judas was a fake, a phony, a hypocrite, and a betrayer. He knew Judas was going to sell him out and hand him over. And look at what Jesus does the night before it happens:

“Now before the Feast of the Passover, when Jesus knew that his hour had come to depart out of this world to the Father, having loved his own who were in the world, he loved them to the end. During supper, when the devil had already put it into the heart of Judas Iscariot, Simon’s son, to betray him, Jesus, knowing that the Father had given all things into his hands, and that he had come from God and was going back to God, rose from supper. He laid aside his outer garments, and taking a towel, tied it around his waist. Then he poured water into a basin and began to wash the disciples’ feet and to wipe them with the towel that was wrapped around him.” (John 13:1-5)

Jesus, fully knowing that Judas was going to betray him, gets up from the table, takes the posture of humility, maybe even humiliation, bends his knee, and washes Judas’ feet.

“When he had washed their feet and put on his outer garments and resumed his place, he said to them, “Do you understand what I have done to you? You call me Teacher and Lord, and you are right, for so I am. If I then, your Lord and Teacher, have washed your feet, you also ought to wash one another’s feet. For I have given you an example, that you also should do just as I have done to you. Truly, truly, I say to you, a servant is not greater than his master, nor is a messenger greater than the one who sent him. If you know these things, blessed are you if you do them. I am not speaking of all of you; I know whom I have chosen. But the Scripture will be fulfilled, ‘He who ate my bread has lifted his heel against me.’ I am telling you this now, before it takes place, that when it does take place you may believe that I am he. Truly, truly, I say to you, whoever receives the one I send receives me, and whoever receives me receives the one who sent me.” (John 13:12-20)

He does this to show us what is at His core, humility and submission to the will of the Father. So that we might believe He is the Christ.

Jesus doesn’t try to confront Judas, kick him out of the group, call out his sin, prove his point, etc. He knows his heart, tells him to his face “do what you came here to do”, exposing him, and yet trusts God’s plan to let him. Jesus shows Judas love even in the midst of his betrayal.

Jesus invites his betrayer to the table, feeds him, looks him in the eye, and bends down to wash his feet. He serves the one who would hand Him over to death.

 I don’t know how to love like this. I don’t know how to humbly submit like this. I don’t know how to forgive like this.

I will never be able to love and forgive like this apart from being filled with His spirit and remembering the love God has for me.

This kind of love, the love of Christ, is beyond my understanding.

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{Un}Burying Your Gifts

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Today, I uttered the words to a friend “I know that if I was on this earth for just 2 more years, and I did _______ with my life, I could stand before the Lord and say I’ve been faithful with what you’ve given me.”

I have never ever spoken like that before.

I have never had the audacity to even think like that before.

But the longer I’m on this earth, and the more I serve in different ways, the more I see how God has made me and what He’s made me for.

I am starting to see that the things that make my heart beat and keep me up at night aren’t the same things as those around me.

And I’m starting to see, that’s a good thing. God does that on purpose. He has given each one of us gifts, burdens, and passions that we are supposed to use for His purpose, for His kingdom, for our time on earth.

I used to think I was just dreaming, or being fanatical, or prideful in my desire to serve God in different ways. As I’ve prayed, and repented, and quite frankly pushed away some of these gifts and dreams, God has not released me. Sometimes my passion grows even stronger when I’m begging for Him to take it away.

I have been haunted by Matthew 25 lately. After the servants who invested their talents and make a profit form their investment are told “Well done good and faithful servant”, there is one who buries his. He doesn’t spend it, or lose it, he just buries it.

“He also who had received the one talent came forward, saying, ‘Master, I knew you to be a hard man, reaping where you did not sow, and gathering where you scattered no seed, so I was afraid, and I went and hid your talent in the ground. Here you have what is yours. But his master answered him, ‘You wicked and slothful servant! You knew that I reap where I have not sown and gather where I scattered no seed? Then you ought to have invested my money with the bankers, and at my coming I should have received what was my own with interest.” (Matthew 25:24-27)

I have been burying treasure that the LORD has asked me to invest. And I’ve been wasting time pretending like I don’t know it’s being buried.

So as I said those words, “I know if in 2 years I’ve done _____ with my life, I’ve been faithful” I got home and realized “well then what the heck am I waiting for?” Am I really going to waste more of my life in disobedience? Fear? Comparison? Insecurity?

Or am I gonna get on with it? Am I going to start believing Philippians 2 and Ephesians 2:10 and live like it? Am I going to walk in a manner worthy of the LORD and start using my gifts for the equipping of the saints as Ephesians 4 tells me?

What about you?

What’s your _________?
Have you ever thought if I do ____________ with my life, than I know I can stand before the LORD and hear “Well done, good and faithful servant?”

Maybe’s it’s raising a family who loves Jesus?
Maybe it’s helping women in our city heal from abuse?
Maybe it’s fighting poverty on a global scale?
Maybe it’s loving your hard-to-love neighbor.
Maybe it’s big, maybe it’s small, maybe it’s simple and quiet.

Whatever it is, God has placed something unique inside of you, giftings, passions, and experiences that aren’t to be wasted.

Are we really doing anyone a favor by keeping our gifts to ourselves?
Have you, like me, been wasting time and denying what God has given you?

If you’re not sure, can I recommend going through “Restless” by Jennie Allen? Or find a few friends that can speak into your life and affirm what they see in you?

Others knew my gifts and affirmed them long before I did. Others are the ones pushing me to use them. I am the one sitting back scared and insecure, unsure and unfaithful.

I realized today, if I can speak those words with such clarity, than I need to live with such clarity too.

So tell me, if you knew you were going to stand before the LORD sooner than later . . . what are you supposed to do with your life now?

What are the good works, which God prepared beforehand, that you should walk in? (Ephesians 2:10)

What’s holding you back?

“Therefore, my beloved, as you have always obeyed, so now, not only as in my presence but much more in my absence, work out your own salvation with fear and trembling, for it is God who works in you, both to will and to work for his good pleasure.” (Philippians 2:12-13)

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World Vision, Civil War in Christianity, and Where We Go from Here

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There was a storm on social media this week, a civil war in Christianity. World Vision announced they would hire people in committed gay marriages, then in less than 48 hours, reversed it.

People were outraged.
People were divided.
People took a stand and dropped sponsorships for nearly 5,000 children.

We made a very loud, a very public, and a very clear statement this week.

We would rather be known for what we’re against, than what we’re for.
We would rather divide than unite.
We would rather write blogs calling each other out, than entering in.
We would rather oppose gay marriage than feed starving children.

Regardless of your position on World Vision, the damage has been done-on both sides, to both sides, and most of all to children around the world.

And I don’t know about you, but it feels like a tornado just tore through our neighborhood and now we’re left to clean up the wreckage.

What do we now? Where do we go from here?
Who are we really helping when we do this?

I am all for standing up for truth and proclaiming what is right.  ALL for it.  I don’t think it’s loving to let people remain in sin and continue on a path that takes them further away from God.

“Or do you not know that the unrighteous will not inherit the kingdom of God? Do not be deceived: neither the sexually immoral, nor idolaters, nor adulterers, nor men who practice homosexuality, nor thieves, nor the greedy, nor drunkards, nor revilers, nor swindlers will inherit the kingdom of God. And such were some of you. But you were washed, you were sanctified, you were justified in the name of the Lord Jesus Christ and by the Spirit of our God.”  (1 Corinthians 6:9-11)

Yep, it’s in there.  And it’s hard to read.  Scripture calls this sin, and I’ve committed most of those in that list. But, if we’re going to “take a stand” for truth, for scripture, let’s take a stand for all of it.

Here are some other parts of scripture I didn’t see people “defending” in the midst of the World Vision debacle:

“If anyone thinks he is religious and does not bridle his tongue but deceives his heart, this person’s religion is worthless.   Religion that is pure and undefiled before God, the Father, is this: to visit orphans and widows in their affliction, and to keep oneself unstained from the world.”  (James 1:26-27)

“Now the works of the flesh are evident: sexual immorality, impurity, sensuality, idolatry, sorcery, enmity, strife, jealousy, fits of anger, rivalries, dissensions, divisions, envy, drunkenness, orgies, and things like these. I warn you, as I warned you before, that those who do such things will not inherit the kingdom of God. But the fruit of the Spirit is love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness, self-control; against such things there is no law.” (Galatians 5:19-23)

“A new commandment I give to you, that you love one another: just as I have loved you, you also are to love one another. By this all people will know that you are my disciples, if you have love for one another.”  (John 13:34-35)

As I look through the “works of the flesh” in Galatians, I not only see “sexual immorality”, but “enmity, strife, fits of anger, dissension, and divisions”.

So I ask you Christian, what were you known for this week?

This week, we publicly picked our sins to call out, publicly divided and cast stones, publicly committed works of the flesh, and got mad at the other side for doing the same.

And the whole world watched.

And I’m deeply grieved.

I’m grieved over the fact that prominent leaders used their platform to slander one another and disobey scripture in public.
I’m grieved that thousands of children lost their sponsorship for food, healthcare, and education in a day.
I’m grieved that we drew lines in the sand where Jesus didn’t.
I’m grieved that we unite quicker over being pro/anti gay marriage than we do over caring for the poor.

We have to realize that when we do these things publicly, we are shutting people out that Jesus died to let in.  When we defend only parts of scripture, we are hypocrites.  When we use our “platforms” to launch ebombs, we’re causing more harm than good.

As I processed the two sides, I couldn’t land on either one, I kept thinking there has to be a third way.  There has to be another way to process what happened this week.

And the LORD whispered to my heart, there is:

The Cross.

It’s not about picking a lane or choosing a side.  It’s about running to the Cross.
It really is the ONLY thing that unites us. It is the only thing that will bring us together, the liberal and conservative, gay or straight, hungry or fed, rich or poor, hater or lover.  The only way is the Cross.

I don’t know about you, but I’m choosing the way of the Cross, the way of the gospel, the way of Jesus.  The line in the sand for me is not us vs. them, it’s us vs. Him, and He chose to lift us out and graft us in.

So as we move forward, let’s commit to cleaning up the wreckage.
Let’s commit to slowing down, to praying before proclaiming, to examining our hearts before prosecuting others.
Let’s commit to being peacemakers, the kind that speak truth and show love, and help reconcile people to Christ.
Let’s take a stand for Jesus, by living closely to his new command in John 13. Let’s take a stand for Jesus by calling out sin and caring for the least of these.

Let’s be people of the Cross, not people of dividing lines or opposing sides. Let’s be people who recognize Jesus cares just as much about our sexuality as he does about the poor. Let’s be people who wage war against darkness, not each other.  Let’s be people of unity, truth, love and grace.

Let’s be people of The Cross.
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5 Ways to Find Relief from Suffering

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This past week the walls started to close in on me.  I felt crushed under the weight of suffering.  It caught me by surprise, but it shouldn’t have.  I know the red flags, all of the signs to look for, and I even speak into others’ lives about it.

Rest
Margin
Time with Jesus
Slowing down
Simplicity
Don’t overschedule
Find Rhythm
Saying No
Sabbath

I’m pretty sure I’ve written 100 blogs on each of these topics. This is my life’s message that I preach to people.  And somewhere, in the past 2 weeks, everything subtly crept in, I got overwhelmed, and I wanted to run and hide.

I have been running hard, scheduling nearly every moment of my days with someone or something.  Then, unexpectedly and unscheduled, I had another failed infertility treatment Monday.  And I literally couldn’t even sit with the LORD and grieve until Thursday.  I had my week so packed with work and school, and I literally told my team at work “I am struggling, hurting, and I can’t even go to Jesus until Thursday.”

And after those words came out of my mouth, I broke.  I knew I couldn’t keep running like this. Even though everything fit perfectly on the calendar, suffering has a way of coming in unscheduled. Suffering hijacks your life, it makes everything blurry and heavy, and I wasn’t giving myself any margin to walk through that, or even just sit in it.

Then I remembered, there is a way up-a way out in the midst of suffering.  It starts with these 5 things:

Cry out for help
This week I had to confess:  I just can’t do it all.  Seems obvious, but somewhere along the way, I was taking on other people’s needs, other people’s Kingdom work, other people’s trials, and realized I just can’t do it all.  Especially when I am hurting myself. I raised the white flag and surrendered.

Call your people
I swallowed my pride, and I reached out to the few people I trust with my life, and said “I am feeling crushed by suffering.  Will you pray?”  I fought through the lies of feeling “needy” or “being dramatic” and reminded myself that God does not intend for us to do life alone.  He has given me people to “Enter In” with, and I needed them to pray for me and speak into my life.

Say no
I looked at my schedule, and I started to say no to things.  Ugh!  I wrote about this, Wise People Say No, and yet somehow I found myself saying yes to so much. So I took things off of my plate, rescheduled, rearranged, and made some changes to protect, well, my sanity.

Find rhythms
I had a conference call with my professor this week and he asked me 2 questions I didn’t have an answer to.  1)  What refreshes your soul?  2)  Do you have a time daily, and a time weekly, to reenergize?  I had no words.  He told me that I needed to find a rhythm in which I can refresh daily, and weekly.  Find a time and fill it with something each day, and also once a week that replenishes your emotional energy and reenergizes you.

Run to Jesus
It really doesn’t matter how much I say no, or how little I do each week, if I don’t run to Jesus.  I need time with Him, we all do.

What about you?
What do you do when you’re overwhelmed?  Suffering?
Do you have something that refreshes you?
Do you have margin in your life to sit with Jesus?

Let’s run to the One who can put our broken pieces back together and give us rest for our souls.

“Come to me, all who labor and are heavy laden, and I will give you rest.”  (Matthew 11:28)

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IF: Gathering {Fresno/Central Valley}

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Come join us on February 7th & 8th for the IF: Gathering.

IF Fresno

WE EXIST TO GATHER, EQUIP AND UNLEASH THE NEXT GENERATION OF WOMEN TO LIVE OUT THEIR PURPOSE.

What is the IF: Gathering?

This 2-day gathering will address the question

IF God is real… THEN what?

How do we live? How do we unify and dream for the name of Christ in our generation from our unique places? We are bringing diverse voices and artists together for a conversation focused on Christ. We are praying this will satisfy a longing to return to what is deep and simple and pure about life and faith.  This gathering will bring women together to wrestle out how to live out the calling God has placed on our lives. {Read more at ifgathering.com}

We will gather as women, not as a church, a denomination, or anything more . . . but as women, seeking to unify under the name of Jesus and seek His plan for our lives, for our community, and for His kingdom.

We are believing that God has given each one of us specific gifts, experiences, passions, and callings to use for His kingdom and His glory.

We will hear from women like Jennie Allen, Jen Hatmaker, Ann Voskamp, Rebekah Lyons, Lauren Chandler and more via live stream.  We will gather for worship, prayer, communion, teaching, and discussion.

This gathering will be an honest, humble, simple, deep space to wrestle with what we believe about God and the callings we have in Christ.

The IF: Gathering is not a retreat.  It will not be polished and perfect, but simply a gathering place for women to come and be real, honest, open, and vulnerable with God and with each other.

When & Where

Friday February 7th 2-9pm (break for dinner)

Saturday February 8th 9am-5pm (break for lunch)

The Well Community Church  2044 E. Nees Ave. Fresno, CA 93720

You can register here https://ifgathering.purecharity.com/local and then join our local Facebook group for the Fresno/Central Valley gathering here: IF: Gathering Fresno/Central Valley

This Facebook group will communicate all of the information needed for the 2-day gathering.  There is no cost, just a donation request per registration.  There will be no child care, and we will be on our own for dinner/lunch.

If you have any questions, you can comment below or contact Melissa Danisi melissa@thewellcommunity.org

For more information about IF:Gathering, visit their website here: IF: Gathering

Looking forward to gathering with all of you in February.

Permission to Ask the Hard Questions

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This year will be full.  I refuse to say “busy” because that’s a bad word in my vocabulary, so I like to use busy’s more attractive cousin, “full”.

Life will be full.

I’m starting seminary, working full time at the church now, teaching reading intervention a few hours a week, and continuing with all my usuals: bible study, maintaining friendships, keeping up the house, etc.  Santino is still working a lot and doing all of his other stuff like life group, reading, and most importantly playing tennis with our neighbor 😉

And we’re still walking through infertility.

And life.

And all the stuff that comes along that we can’t calendar.

So I’ve been intentional about asking people to speak into my life.

I’ve sat with a friend and given her full permission to call me out, speak truth, and ask the hard questions.

And not just “How are things going?  How’s work?”  Anyone can ask that.  I can answer those easily without telling you how I’m REALLY doing or confess that Santino & I ate left over bruschetta and string cheese for dinner last night because, I’m the worst.

I’ve given her permission to ask me things like:

How’s your marriage?

How’s your time with the LORD?

What are you learning in God’s word?

Are you sleeping?

Have you cooked dinner at all this month?  Something besides bean burritos?

And then she can slap me upside the head if I try to lie or skirt around the issue.

I don’t want to bite off more than I can chew.  I don’t want to do more than I can handle.  But I also don’t want to sit back and not do what the LORD has for me.  I want to depend on the Holy Spirit, not ease and comfort.  I don’t mind spending my life exhausted for His name sake.

But, I don’t want all that I’m doing to interfere with my relationship with my husband or my relationship with God.

I’ll quit everything before those things happen.

So I’m trying to be intentional and aware and invite people in to ask those hard questions.

What about you?  Do you have people in your life that can ask you the hard questions?  About your marriage?  Your life?  Not just your favorite tv show or work, but the deep/real/meaningful stuff.

Let’s not hide behind the easy stuff in 2014. 

Let’s give permission to others to ask hard questions, and learn to do the same.

Let’s live in the light, of confession and grace, honesty and vulnerability.

Let’s stop pretending “everything’s fine” and learn to walk in real community.

That’s one of my goals for 2014 . . . more than getting an A in my seminary class or checking off another full work week from my calendar . . . real, authentic, honest community.  The kind that helps me grow spiritually and deepen my relationship with God and with others.

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If you are looking for more resources about how to be intentional with your spiritual growth this year, check out anantomyofadisciple.com

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Brad Bell and Rick Taylor have just released 2 books that will encourage this honest community and foster spiritual growth.  They’ve also developed an online assessment that will help you identify specifically where/how to grow spiritually.

Let’s make 2014 a year of being intentional about asking the hard questions & making steps to grow spiritually.

My Hopes for 2014: Extraordinary & Ordinary

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Yesterday, I fell asleep to the memory of the night we ate pizza in Jerusalem.

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I don’t know if it was because I just finished Shauna Niequist’s book Bread & Wine, where she reminds us that life, deep-rich-meaningful-life, happens around a table or because I was watching Anthony Bourdain’s show Parts Unknown, where he travels all around the world to eat food in exotic places; whatever it was, I had pizza and I had Jerusalem on my mind.

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We had been in Israel for eight days and by this point, we were stretched physically and mentally . . . sometimes hiking 10 miles a day, in the wretched heat. We were learning about these incredible sites where the fathers our faith walked, we were standing where Jesus stood, walking where he walked, and learning where he taught.

But nothing, nothing, compared to standing in Jerusalem. The City of the King, the place where the Temple was built and destroyed, where the last parts of the Western Wall remained.

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The place where a city is divided between Jewish quarter, Christian quarter, and Muslim quarter. The place where Christ will come again. Really, the most extraordinary place on Earth. Full of history and prophecy, riches and poverty, love and hate.

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We not only wanted to learn our bibles on this trip, we wanted to learn the culture. What does Jerusalem, this extraordinary city, look like during the day? At night? So we set out to do what our guides warned us about, we ventured into the city of Jerusalem at night. To share a meal with friends from our trip.

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We found ourselves in the Jewish quarter, next to a synagogue and all kinds of shops, and sat down at a restaurant. Everyone ordered drinks and dinner, and then in the most extraordinary place, we did the ordinary . . .

We people-watched.

We ate dinner.

We talked.

We laughed.

We prayed.

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It felt so ordinary. Just sitting in Jerusalem, eating pizza. Until I realized just hours before we were literally standing on the Temple Mount, touching the Western Wall, the closest place to the Holy of Holies, praying side-by-side with devout Jews.

We were in a sacred place. A holy place. Perhaps the most meaningful place for the future of Christians. And I was eating pizza, watching people dance around at a bar mitzvah.

The most ordinary, eating pizza, in the extraordinary, the heart of Jerusalem near the Holy of Holies.

The ordinary meets extraordinary.

I wondered if this was much like Jesus life? In the morning healing the sick, casting out demons, teaching the multitudes, then at night, heading over to Mary and Martha’s for dinner. Just an ordinary dinner with friends, where he’d laugh, pray, eat good food, talk about scripture . . .

Were there parts of Jesus life that were just ordinary? Were his days a blend of the extraordinary & ordinary? Was this God-Man marked with a mix of his humanity and deity? Secular & sacred? Simple & divine?

As I reflect on this past year and think about my hopes for 2014, I want my life to be marked by the ordinary and extraordinary. I want to spend my days pouring out all that I have, using my gifts to further the Kingdom, loving people in the name of Jesus, and then have dinner with my neighbors, good conversation with my husband, laugh with my friends.

I want to find beauty in the simple. I want to redeem the ordinary.

Because really that’s when the ordinary can feel extraordinary. The simple life can be spectacular when you realize all is sacred.

I want my life to be marked like that.

That is my hope for 2014.

To blur the lines between ordinary and extraordinary, secular and sacred, just a little bit more.

I want to invite friends over for long meals.

I want to experience real community and fellowship.

I want to give more of my time, talent, and treasure.

I want to talk about scripture, and bear one another’s burdens, and pray for the sick and care for the poor, and I want to eat pizza with my friends, and laugh.

No big resolutions for 2014 just hopes that my year, my life, would be marked with simple, extraordinary, ordinary joy.

What about you?

What are your hopes for 2014?